We are in the age of #Metoo where we begin to call out, resist, fight and demand more from the patriarchy, where we say NO to sexism, to rape culture, to the poking and prodding and obscenity of violence.  We rise up and say hell no, my body is not for you. My body is mine and mine alone.  I call the shots.  This is a necessary and powerful movement which has and will continue to move society forward and in part help women gain the equality that we so desperately need and deserve.

But we need to tread carefully through this tide and really be mindful about how we set up this new paradigm.  I think we have  to leave space for the artists, the poets, the painters, the novelists who create unbridled sexist, perhaps even misogynistic and stunning works.  I think we need to leave space for the old guys who just don’t get it, for the young guys who are confused, for the bosses who want to bang their secretaries and for the countless guys and gals out there who are just trying to figure out how to use their sexuality.

I feel that we have to do this because, well, it’s concerning.  I’m concerned that in this country we have a problem with grey.  We can’t seem to dig into the center of things, it’s either all white or all black.  But the majority of life exists somewhere in the continuum, in the center, away from the margins.  What I mean to say is yes, there is a major problem with our male-dominated society and something needs to be done about it.  For far too long we’ve let a good part of the population take what they want and act whatever way they want without consequence.  But we need to be able to look more deeply into behaviors, stop generalizing and leave room for human thought and error.

If we take a moment to think about the artist as poet, Charles Bukowski, in my opinion, was a lonely drunk, a wordsmith, a storyteller and a man conflicted.  He wrote some pretty spectacularly poignant stuff, and really knew how to encapsulate a thought in a very base and precise way.  I think he loved women, but felt betrayed by women to some extent.  He was quick to call a woman a whore but equally as quick to profess an imperfect love for her.  It’s precisely this complex cauldron of emotion and thought and action that quite frankly I think we need to pay particular attention to.  I think we can be both mindful of what is wrong, and call out injustice when we witness it; but still maintain an understanding of the fact that not every compliment is an assault and not every critique is an attack.  Some observations are simply that.  Getting asked out on a date is not an act of aggression.  There are changes in temperature, degrees which we must consider.  An unwanted compliment about your appearance is different from an obscene gesture which is different from someone grabbing your ass which is different from rape.  If we are incapable of parsing out these very different actions then we are part of the problem, not the solution.

I’ve heard some pretty black and white statements about behavior, and what should and should not be considered acceptable.  Who are we allowing to define this and to what end?  It’s worth it for all of us to have these conversations, and to not stop until we get to where we need to go.  But let’s do it in a thoughtful and proactive way.

What about art?  What about poetry?  Will we start to impress upon those who create to be more mindful about what messages they send out to the world?  What about Bukowski’s poems, which to some extent portray certain women in a negative light:  thieves, flirts, sluts, traitors, meant to be used up and forgotten?

I believe  we can all learn something from the #MeToo Movement.  But as we struggle to define  what is acceptable behavior, beware The Genius of The Crowd.

The Genius Of The Crowd